Common Feelings
The diagnosis of cancer brings changes to your life and the lives of the whole family. Every family is different. Each family has ways to cope with stressful experiences. Many families have told us about feeling fear, anger, depression, and guilt. All these feelings are common human emotions. You are not alone. Talking with family and friends, a member of the healthcare team, or another partner of a patient with cancer may be helpful. By sharing these feelings your may find it easier to cope with the changes you are experiencing.

Fear. The time of diagnosis is often the most difficult. The fear of the unknown may be overwhelming. This experience may be your first hospitalization. Dealing with the stress of adapting to a new and sometimes frightening environment may be difficult. You may also have fears about treatment, your expenses, or how you will cope with cancer. Talking about these fears and getting them out in the open can be helpful. Our healthcare team is here to listen to your concerns and to help you.

Anger. At times you may feel very angry at what is happening. Some families are angry with God or a cruel fate for singling them out. Some are mad at the healthcare team for not finding an answer to what is happening. You may feel angry about being sick and having your life turned upside down. Feeling angry is a normal reaction. Finding a safe outlet to let off steam may be helpful. For example, take a walk or talk with someone to let the tension out.

Guilt. People often feel guilty or responsible for having cancer. Everyone in the family needs to be assured that they did not cause the cancer nor could they have done anything to prevent it.

Depression. People use depression to describe a range of emotions and behaviors. Feeling √¢‚Ǩ≈“blue√¢‚Ǩ¬ù or sad is a normal reaction to the diagnosis of cancer and the treatment demands. The diagnosis may also require changes in family routine and bring feelings of social isolation. These changes and losses may produce grief reactions. You may notice symptoms of grief, such as crying spells, decreased appetite or compulsive eating, lack of interest, decreased energy, lack of concentration, poor problem-solving, and physical symptoms such as tightness in the chest or headaches.

With the support of family, friends, and the healthcare team, most patients are able to work through these emotions and use coping skills that are needed to meet care demands. Individual or family counseling allows patients a way to discover their strengths within.

Sometimes patients find that their emotions are so overwhelming that they cannot cope with the demands being placed on them. When other life stressors, such as death, loss of a job, moving, marital problems, divorce, emotional problems, or substance abuse existed prior to the diagnosis, the situation may be more difficult. It may help to discuss your feelings with a trusted member of the healthcare team. Counseling and medications are available and may be needed.

Coping Tips
Some suggestions to help you cope with your illness include:

* Make a special effort to find a private time to talk with your partner or close friend. Try to talk about things other than your illness.
* Find ways to reduce stress. You know what works best for you. Some people exercise, while others enjoy reading or shopping.
* Ask a member of the healthcare team for help and support.
* Talk to other people who are dealing with cancer.
* Attend a support group.
* Request to speak to a member of the Psychosocial Team.

Impact on Marriage
A chronic illness can quickly turn a family's life upside down. Many couples feel a strain on their marriage. You may feel angry and frustrated by the circumstances. Three things may help prevent the breakdown of a marriage: respecting coping styles, maintaining communication, and accepting change.

Respecting coping styles. Each person responds differently to stress. Some people may withdraw; others may cry or get angry, while others may cope by gathering information. Families need to learn and respect the different ways each has in coping with the illness. Try to understand how your partner is accepting what is happening.

Maintaining communication. The key to any successful relationship is communication. The need to talk about feelings, fears, appreciation, and information is greater during times of stress. Silence can make you feel separated from your partner. By sharing feelings and information you can stay connected and be better able to make decisions.

Accepting changing roles. The demands of illness and treatment can change the roles of family members. In most cases, someone else will assume some or many of your roles within the family.

We hope this information is helpful to you on your survival journey. Please do not hesitate to ask questions concerning anything in this book. Our goal is for you to understand the information, utilize the services, and have a positive experience at The Cancer Center.